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Grey Sparrow Journal

Issue 30, July 31, 2017
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PROTO DREAM POEM: COUSIN JUDGE

 

Innocent of all, I entered self-analysis

And welcomed every dream

In eagerness to broaden the confines of my soul.

I wrote them down and pondered,

Plotted sequence, charted symbols,

            Interpreting obsessively

I fell soul-inward without a ladder out

            And burrowed further.

 

            Until I came upon her,

Lank and lean and fair of skin,

Black of hair with eyes of green.

She was the prototype of perfection,

The woman noticed on the street,

The one to turn my head;

The beautiful, the unattainable,

The one long sought now filled my dreams.

 

Nightly she appeared and nightly judged me.

She haunted every dream and scrutinized my every thought,

From the barest inkling to the most complex conclusion

She exposed my every flaw, secrets hidden even from myself,

            Until I hardly dared to dream.

Challenges unwelcome quashed redoubled quashed again

Until I named her Cousin Judge, persecutor, prosecutor,

The prototype of perfection nightly tearing at my mind,

 

Until one morning she looked from out my mirror

And with a sigh revealed herself:

The one long sought,

The unattainable,

The super ego of my soul,

            Cousin Judge was me.       

                       

                                                  -Michael Patrick Emery