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Grey Sparrow Journal and Press, as of January 31, 2018 will move to

Issue 30, July 31, 2017
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Killing Me Softly

by Sayuri Yamada



     Ladies and Gentlemen. This Killing Me Softly is a sensational cream. It is to preserve your dear deceased to be soft until the burial or cremation. Would you like it when you kiss your late beloved husband for the last time you feel as if you kissed his grave stone in the middle of a night? Would you like it when you touch the cheek of your late beloved sister for the last time you feel as if her cheek has turned into a stainless steel sewage pipe?


     Well, should you prefer a soft skin to kiss good bye to the last time, use Killing Me Softly to massage the body. Right after death is announced, apply this cream all over the body and give a loving massage. Make sure the cream covers every corner of the body, or the uncovered parts might get stiff and spread to the rest of the body. You don’t want to spoil your effort, do you?


     You are asking me what if the dead person resurrects. Well, it happens sometimes. Do not worry. Killing Me Softly doesn’t have any effect on live bodies. So, after applying the cream to the body, if the body starts moving, just stop applying it and wait. When the death is announced again, start applying it again. Simple.


     The quicker the better. As you know, the body temperature goes down slowly after death, if you apply the cream while the body is still warm, the cream and your loving massage retains the warm temperature. It preserves the body condition as the cream is first applied to the body. So be quick. Order the cream before the death scoops away your husband’s spirit. You have to order it by phoning this number, 0808-8522-954 or do it on line, You can’t find our sensational product in shops. We sell it only directly to you.


     So, if your wife is diagnosed with lung cancer, contact us. If you get HIV positive, phone us. Then you’ll be ready for the warm and soft funeral. You might say the Death could knock on your door any time, unexpectedly. Yes, it’s true—unfortunately. Order Killing Me Softly now. It doesn’t matter that your family is all healthy. A car accident might happen tomorrow, your house might get burned down and kill your daughter tonight. Get ready.


     Do you want to have the assurance for a nice funeral? Order Killing Me Softly now. This guarantees a warm and soft funeral. Your late husband will eternally look as though he is sleeping in the coffin at the funeral. You can send your late wife who looks just like she is sleeping, to the grave or cremator.


     Do you want to ask me if you need a special skill to massage? No! You just give your loving massage to your wife as if she is still alive and very tired after a long day at her office. Just don’t forget you have to massage every single corner of the body, applying the cream.


     It will come in this gorgeous black and gold urn in three different sizes. The biggest one could be used to keep the ashes inside after the cremation. We can inscribe a name on it.


     Are you asking me if you keep massaging the body, it will be preserved forever? Well, in theory, yes, but how could you massage the inner organs?